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Makeshift Art Critic


Honda’s ASIMO website has a section just for kids, and while I’m most definitely not one, I clicked on through (there was no age gate, so I don’t think they really care).  I found an awesome gallery of drawings made by kids who (I’m assuming) actually got to meet ASIMO, which makes them much luckier than me.  Out of spite, I decided the best thing to do was critique their work.


1. I’m no psychiatrist, but I’d say this child may need to be rescued by Child & Family services.  Not only does the drawing depict obscenely hairy armpits, but it’s also the only drawing in the lot that gave ASIMO a pee-pee.


2. This ASIMO looks remarkably like EVE from WALL-E.


3. The abandoned drawing and comparatively neat spelling suggests this child decided a subtle haiku poem would better communicate his/her experience with the robot.


4. The near vertigo-inducing perspective in this drawing shows us that even at 4 feet, ASIMO is still terrifyingly tall compared to a child.


5. Despite having all of his/her other colors stolen, this kid managed to capture ASIMO’s distinctive astronaut quality with this monochromatic masterpiece, even going so far as to draw a classic ’50s-style spaceship for added emphasis.


6. ASIMO is working as a receptionist behind a fine desk.


7. Sometimes it’s best to say,”to hell with the rules!” and just draw a big yellow butterfly.


8. ASIMO’s freaky robot fingers were clearly the strongest memory this child had of the robot.


9.  Don’t you just hate it when you try to draw something, but you can’t quite get the details right?


10. ASIMO is about to get hit by a ninja’s throwing star.  The ninja in the background may be hard to see, since he’s a ninja.


11. ASIMO’s battery backpack has morphed into a cape befitting a superhero.


12. ASIMO’s horrific true identity is revealed in this prophetic piece.  Also, cocaine is a helluva drug.


13. ASIMO returns to the magical fantasy land where he came from.


14. The strong pose and geometric construction work brilliantly together in this minimalist piece.


15. ASIMO’s outstretched arms and halo-laden head suggest an almost religious reverence for the robot, as can be expected of children raised in the land of the rising sun.


16. One can be forgiven for missing a few details here and there if seated in the far corner of the room.


17. ASIMO leads the class in a round of calisthenics in his latest routine, beautifully captured in this quick gestural sketch.


18. This nightmarish scene depicts a rampaging, 20 foot tall ASIMO looming over the victim of his armpit guns and arm fangs, while a desperate onlooker stands nearby, too stunned to run away.


19. Well, now we know who stole all the crayons.  Despite the kleptomania so prevalent among children, yearnings for more crayons were ignored long enough to produce this evocative tableau.


20. American Football has been growing in popularity thanks to manga like EyeShield 21 in recent years.  Here,  a body-painted ASIMO in team colors triumphantly holds the pigskin and trophy above his head to deafening applause.


21. In the art world, this is called a “contour drawing”, where the artist attempts to outline his/her subject without looking at the page.


22. A simple, yet surprisingly accurate depiction of the humanoid robot.  Kudos.


23. ASIMO literally tears through the page in this avant-garde piece, breaking the 4th wall in the process, the humble artist not claiming his/her credit.


24. Hearts and stars liberally fill in the negative space creating an overpowering feeling of happiness and joy of never having to sweep the broom again, thanks to ASIMO’s tireless efforts.


25. The sheer brilliance of this piece can be fully grasped when one considers the lifeless pose ASIMO was given in the original, uncolored copy.


26. The devastating reality of what would happen to your expensive robot when left alone with children armed with permanent markers hits home strongly in this one.


27. The thoughtful individual who created a coloring template of the all white and gray ASIMO should probably blame themselves for this one.


28. Despite the Honda engineers’ best efforts, they still need to eliminate many of ASIMO’s sharp edges, as evidenced by this damning conviction.


29. Yet more design modifications recommended for the Honda engineers, with thoughtful arrows pointing out the most important bits.


30. Probably my favorite of the entire bunch, titled simply “It’s Asimo”.

Well, that’s it for this week’s feature.  Next week I’ll tackle the 2nd half of the children’s drawings.  Feel free to add your own captions in the comments!

[source: Honda]

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